The Romance of Home Exchange
Nicole Frank is one of the leading experts of the home exchange community. Nicole has been an avid home exchanger since childhood and has completed dozens exchanges around the world with her family. Nicole’s "Key to Home Exchange" appears weekly on RoofSwap.com with do’s and don’t regarding house swapping and tips and advice on a wide array of travel topics. Have a question for Nicole or want to share some insight of your own? Visit our Member Forum section and post your comments and questions.
Dear Key to Home Exchange:
Ever since I read about home exchange I have wanted to try it. My wife says she doesn't want strangers in our apartment. How can I convince her to try home exchange?
James, CA
Dear Home Exchanger,
I hesitate to give you an answer that might cause your next question to be directed to the "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" advice column. A spouse who feels pressured to give up her home to "strangers" will not be a happy travel companion.
The fact is, home exchange is a concept that strikes some people as brilliant and others as odd. When you mention home exchange to someone who has never heard about it, the reaction is seldom neutral. Either listeners begins to bombard you with questions like "where do I sign up?!?" or they get a funny look on their faces.
You seem to be part of a "mixed marriage". You are enthusiastic about trying home exchange and your spouse can't imagine why.
In a relationship where one person feels uncomfortable about home exchange and the other person can't wait to try it, the concerns of the hesitant person are paramount. You will not have a relaxing vacation if your loved one is fretting about strangers rifling through her lingerie drawer.
The "Key" to your possible future as a home exchanger is determining if your partner is unsure about trying something new, or if s/he is really dead-set against lending your home under any circumstances.
WHO SHOULD SWAP HOMES?
Before trying to address a loved one's concerns about home exchange, try to determine if s/he is even a candidate to become a happy home exchanger:
Is your partner someone who takes pride in your home?
Does s/he enjoy having friends and family over for the evening?
Do you ever have out-of-town guests?
When something goes wrong in your home, do the two of you calmly solve the problem, or does your spouse freak out until the someone arrives to fix it?
Would your partner spend a week in a hammock at a gated, all-inclusive resort, or shop for the best bread and cheese in a Parisian market, then have a picnic along the banks of the River Seine?
Is your loved one a trust-fund traveler who doesn't mind paying top dollar for a hotel room, or might the idea of saving $5,000 per week on food and lodging compensate for home exchange's minor challenges?
If you answered in the affirmative to most of these questions, your partner is probably intimidated by the new idea of home exchange. But if s/he isn't on vacation unless there is a mint on the pillow every night, either bring a bag of mints to the swap home, or forget about home exchange entirely. Let's assume that your spouse has the standard concerns about home exchange and consider ways to make this new idea less scary for her.
STAY CLOSE TO HOME
For your first home exchange adventure, dip your toe in the water instead of diving off a cliff. A weekend swap within a few hour's drive from home means there is less at stake than if you buy airplane tickets to an exotic destination for a month's home exchange in a new culture. Trust me, you are going to have a hard time figuring out how to make a foreign shower or appliance work. Stick close to home to increase your spouse's confidence and comfort.
MEET THE SWAPPERS
Over the course of dozens of successful home exchanges I have had the pleasure of meeting only a handful of swappers who stayed in my home. I get to know the exchangers pretty well via phone and email. This approach may not work for someone trying home exchange for the first time. A hesitant spouse will feel much more comfortable giving your house keys to new friends than mailing them off to strangers. If your swap is local, or if it with someone who visits your town frequently, meeting the exchangers will go a long way towards de-mystifying home exchange.
STRANGERS IN MY BATHTUB
Home exchange has often been compared to internet dating. You browse profiles on-line, send out messages to see if anyone is interested in what you have to offer, and get to know the people who express interest. Your partner might be more comfortable swapping with the equivalent of "friends with benefits". This could be relatives, colleagues, or friends who live in another town. You can arrange a home exchange with people you already know. If it goes well, your partner may be inclined to try a more traditional home exchange for your next vacation.
PRIVACY RULES
Letting swappers use your home doesn't mean they get to use your toothbrush! It is perfectly appropriate to designate an "off-limits" closet, or even a room, and store personal or irreplaceable items there during the swap. As long as your provide space for the swappers to store their own clothing, feel free to move your diary, delicate china or risque' reading material to the private storage area.
RECRUIT YOUR NOSIEST NEIGHBOR
Home exchangers generally leave emergency contact numbers for their swap partners. The family staying in your home needs a resource in case something in your home needs to be fixed. They should also have the number of a friend who has your key in case they are locked out. If you are really uncomfortable not knowing how the swappers are treating your home, build a non-intrusive "check-up" into the swap. This could be a visit by a trusted employee to clean the house or maintain the grounds. A neighbor can swing by with an invitation to a local event like a cook-out or festival. Or a friend can just check in to see if the swappers "need anything". As long as the exchangers know about these possible visits in advance and are aware of which individuals are allowed in your home while you are gone, having a set of eyes on your home can reassure an anxious new home exchanger.
EMPHASIZE THE POSITIVE
It is much safer to have your home occupied when you are on vacation than to let it become a target for thieves. Your family pet will appreciate in-home care instead of being boarded in a kennel. Your vacation will be much more comfortable in a real home with all its conveniences than in a cramped hotel room. And your travel budget will stretch much further with the reduced food and lodging costs home exchange brings. One or more of these pluses may convince a skeptical partner to give home exchange a try.
It can be scary to try a new and relatively unique travel style like home exchange. Easing your spouse into swapping homes is worth the extra effort if the result is rewarding home exchange vacations. Good luck converting yourself and your spouse into home exchangers.
Happy home exchanging!
Nicole Frank, Your Key to Home Exchange.
